UR2.org – Self Worth Academy

Author: Mraln1

  • Self Esteem and Transformation

    We can utilize numerous techniques to improve our self-respect. It is essential to develop our self-esteem in order to stand up to the nonsense that goes on in our life each day. When one has low self-regard, he or she places little value on the self, which can lead to negligence and also anxiety. The conditions will certainly trigger many other problems to create, including illness as well as disease.

    Self-worth is the worth that we put on the self. We can make use of numerous techniques that will certainly help us with making personal improvements while building self-confidence. To build self-respect one has to cultivate a favorable mind while making a couple of adjustments in his/her life and also person.

    Remember, having stabilized self-worth is never simple given that people of all lifestyles will certainly try hard at taking apart what you have actually accumulated. Once you have actually cultivated and also constructed your self-worth, you desire to cultivate and build staying power and positive power since you will certainly need it to stand company.

    Exactly how do I construct my self-esteem?
    Everyone are different, so it depends on what you feel is more guaranteeing for you. For example, some individuals develop self-esteem by relying on people’s praises, while others do not require others to make them feel great about who they are. Essentially, one will require to utilize favorable impacts both externally and also internally to build as well as cultivate self-regard. This means you will need to make some individual improvements in order to develop your self-esteem.

    One of the most powerful methods to develop self-worth is through physical exercise. Several study have actually verified that those who exercise gain many incentives, including self-confidence, self-esteem, self-control, self-reliance, hopefulness, nice bodies, healthy and balanced minds, healthy bodies, and so forth.

    Creating is another means to build self-respect. You additionally develop self-esteem, since your individual changes are favorable.

    Meditation is one more choice that will certainly help you construct self-regard. You can make favorable modifications by meditating each day.

    Yoga exercise also is handy. If you acquire the user’s manual, which walks you via yoga exercise step by step you will certainly enhance your total life as well as health and wellness. Yoga exercise shows you self-discipline, which is a web link to self-regard as well as individual transformation. Because self-control connects one with self-will, self-discipline, and willpower, this is. With self-control, you will have a higher airplane of the strength of mind and will.

    There is no much better sensation on the planet. When you are empowered, it makes you feel like an eagle soaring right into the wild blue. You really feel strengths that make you really feel in some cases that you get on top of the world. The empowerment from favorable modification likewise makes one feeling as though they can do anything they place their mind to. And they can.

    The encouraging feelings that feature positive modification and self-regard alone, must start you to act today. As opposed to living your life on threads, pick up your abuse risk and also head in a positive instructions.

    We can make use of numerous methods that will assist us with making personal transformations while building self-esteem. To construct self-worth one has to grow a favorable mind while making a few modifications in his or her life as well as individual.

    Some people construct self-worth by counting on people’s compliments, while others do not require others to make them really feel great regarding who they are. For the many part, one will certainly require to utilize positive impacts both on the surface and also internally to develop and also grow self-worth. You additionally develop self-esteem, due to the fact that your individual changes are favorable.

  • Balancing Self Confidence and Self Worth

    Self Confidence and also Self Worth certainly have a great deal to do with how well we carry out in life. However, what puzzles the image is that the two terms are usually utilized as if they have the very same definition. They are truly extremely different points.

    Self Confidence has to do with exactly how we associate with the world. Self Worth is about how we relate to ourselves. Normally, these 2 things are interlinked and also one affects the various other. Yet, they bring really different presents and extremely different abilities.

    Self Confidence offers us the capability to make points take place on the planet. It assists us established objectives as well as accomplish results. When our Self Confidence is high we draw in people with our capacity to obtain things done as well as ‘be out there’. This makes us great talkers.

    Self Worth assists us worth various other people for who they are (instead than what they do). When our Self Worth is high we draw in individuals with our capability to just ‘be there’ for them as well as to be with them.

    After that we get out of balance, if Self Confidence is high and Self Worth is very low. It can make us have a tendency to place on a program and feel hollow inside. , if this goes also far we can finish up unable to enjoy our successes.. While others are offering us a congratulatory rub on the back we feel like kicking ourselves as being undeserving. When our Self Worth is low we may tell ourselves “If only they recognized what I am really like”.

    If Self Confidence is very reduced as well as Self Worth is high after that we get out of equilibrium that way also. It can make us often tend to hide with our good friends, family members, or individuals we really feel ‘comfy’ (or an appropriate discomfort) about. We might stroll in somebody’s shadow, conceal behind a powerful employer, or someone that ‘secures’ us from the globe (even if they are horrible otherwise). We might have points we truly intend to make with our lives (extremely so), however make justifications regarding why it is alright to do absolutely nothing about it.
    An absence of Self Confidence or Self Worth will undoubtedly get in the way when it comes to discovering a partner or locating a job. Self Confidence aids us establish a preliminary link; Self Worth aids us connect in manner ins which create a healthy and balanced partnership. Self Confidence assists us satisfy individuals; Self Worth assists us make good friends with them.

    Without Self Confidence we have difficulty developing success due to the fact that we don’t even try; without Self Worth, we have problem producing success since we never ever really feel ‘effective’ no matter what we accomplish (or we might undermine our efforts out of a feeling of being undeserving).

    Our Self Worth and also Self Confidence can be influenced by what other individuals say as well as do. However, they are additionally both impacted by what we do and also state. They are quite impacted by what we decide about ourselves and our own worths as well as what we inform people about ourselves. Eventually it is our decision whether we feel satisfied and great, or otherwise. Whatever we cultivate as well as whatever we endure is what grows.

    Individuals with solid Self Confidence are, naturally, normally comfy operating in situations where confidence is what is required; yet they can feel extremely challenged by situations where Self Worth is what is needed. Individuals with a solid feeling of Self Worth are naturally comfortable in circumstances where Self Worth is what is required but likewise can really feel very challenged when self-confidence is required.

    We usually automatically attempt as well as locate an equilibrium by drawing in individuals of our opposite kind either at the workplace or in partnerships. This allows us to operate as it gives the advantages of the various other persons’ strengths. That is actually a miserable alliance, in the lengthy term, it is really an issue of locating the equilibrium in ourselves.

    Self Confidence can be increased by favorable affirmations like: “I achieve success”, “I now create wonderful relationships”, and so on. Self Worth can be increased by favorable affirmations like: “I deserve success”, “I am worthy of a terrific connection”, etc. People commonly really feel awkward dealing with the kind of concerns which most influences them. , if either of the above kinds of affirmation is a turn-off for you the possibilities are that is the very type of problem you need to work with.. Any kind of such pain soon passes and, if you give on your own an opportunity, you can become a much healthier person by working directly on whatever of these issues particularly influences you.

    Now that maybe you have a much better idea of which element of yourself you most wish to deal with, I recommend looking into the Self Help section of your local bookshop and seeing what books ‘call’ to you. You will certainly feel in one’s bones what is right for you, or you can enjoy taking a look at some new ideas to see what fits.

    Being out of equilibrium between Self Confidence as well as Self Worth is a bit like having one leg much shorter than the various other. If we are not mindful it makes us walk around in circles! If your life feels a bit circular at times then that is a great indicator you need to expand the other side of your nature.

    It may be that by making an extremely small adjustment in attitude, and finding a much better equilibrium in between Self Confidence as well as Self Worth, you can become far more efficient in your life. It will certainly make it much easier to stroll in a straight line.

    If Self Confidence is high and Self Worth is really low then we get out of balance. If Self Confidence is extremely low and Self Worth is high then we get out of balance that method also. Self Confidence assists us develop a first link; Self Worth assists us connect in ways that create a healthy relationship. Self Confidence assists us meet individuals; Self Worth assists us make close friends with them.

    Our Self Worth as well as Self Confidence can be impacted by what other people do and state.

  • Self-Help Tips That Will Benefit You

    Self Aid is a motion that has expanded a reasonable little bit in present time. While self enhancement is a worthy goal, the process of self improvement can be met numerous obstructions to an individual who does not have the right comprehending. This article includes a variety of guidelines on self improvement as well as exactly how to be successful in your very own self aid journey.

    When aiming to develop yourself in a far better technique, you needs to plan to try to find purity instead of passion. You wish to locate knowledge that is the pure reality. You should try to avoid lies that disguise themselves as truths by using rather words. Finding the difference between a truth and also a lie is essential for specific development.

    Among one of the most reliable means to overcome sensations of shyness is to arm on your own with a number of essential, remarkable, and present info. This can be the information, research findings from a current record, and even the current celebrity gossip. Finding approaches to engage others and trigger their interest can have an exceptionally gratifying result on your confidence in social circumstances.

    Do not come to be protective when someone is trying to appropriate one of your mistakes. Simply when you are eager to accept those mistakes as well as to look for approaches to proper them can you really end up being a far better individual.

    Treat yourself the way you handle others. You are the only person that will be spending every min of your life with you; must not you do your best to treat yourself well?

    An essential to individual development is setting worries and also creating a technique. Establishing problems permits you to focus on what is very important as well as gets rid of lost time on points that are not essential to reaching your objectives. Having a tactical strategy will lower tension and also aid make big goals even more manageable.

    Lack of self confidence in a specific can be sustained by question. Then this will certainly simply fuel your insecurity, if you concern your capabilities and also capacities consistently. Celebrate the skills that you stick out at and method to boost on those ones that you do not. Your self positive self-image will grow as your ability base develops.

    See what kind of concepts that they comply with to enhance their very own specific staminas and to work on their very own individual powerlessness. Use other individuals’s toughness to help enhance your own.

    As was gone over in the begin of this post, seeking self improvement is a healthy and favorable taking on. In order to thrive in completing self enhancement there are numerous essential pieces of referrals that anyone needs to adhere to. Apply this message’s assistance and get an activity ahead in accomplishing your self assistance objectives.

    While self improvement is a noble objective, the procedure of self enhancement can be satisfied with many roadblocks to a specific that does not have the ideal understanding. Lack of self confidence in a person can be continual by question. As was discussed in the begin of this post, looking for self enhancement is a positive and healthy and balanced taking on. In order to be successful in achieving self enhancement there are several important pieces of tips that any kind of person should follow. Apply this brief write-up’s ideas and obtain an action ahead in completing your self help goals.

  • Are You Codependent or Independent?

    Are You Codependent or Independent?

    Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth is a concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what our thoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, for the betterment of someone else’s.
    It is as if depending on the other person who you hold so high is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent of the other. It’s root resides in a past when a person didn’t realize they really had wings that could fly. Therefore, for fear of abandonment, they suppressed their own self worth, avoided confrontation, and then continued to please who they were dependent upon.
    In contrast, the counterdependent person who has someone codependent towards them, is pretending that they don’t need anyone else and have concluded that people only need them.
    Both codependency and counterdependency are an internal defense systems that shield and protect from past wounds of abandonment. They both are dysfunctional and lead the codependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillment and eventually depression.
    Perhaps, it could be said that all of us are, to some degree, dependent upon others because, after all, we are social creatures who inevitably need each other in some capacity.
    However, when it saps your very core of enjoying the gift of life God gave you, then the sun never rises and the darkness only gets darker.
    We came into this world alone and we will also leave that way!
    Inner strength comes from a true respect and love for yourself, no matter what the situation or condition is. Although, deep within many of our wounded souls, that love is not strong and therefore self respect is not properly attained.
    This is where your deep-seated self-worth is obtained and how you perceive yourself. In addition, it is the weakened aura you emit to others see you that is not totally erect, but somewhat wilted.
    Many of our true societal problems, whether they are insecurity, control issues, codependency, addictions, manipulative personality disorder, seclusion, or simple anger, stemmed from a lack of self love, self worth, and self respect. Hence, people replace one problem for the another!
    If you are lonely inside and do not feel as though you can love the real you, then any and all subsequent relationships will feel that same inner turmoil until your inside is truly loved!
    These social problems listed above can intertwine, commingle and cross each other’s boundaries in a very insidious manner.
    There is not one issue more serious than the other, they are more or less on an equal plane and being dependent on another, is certainly no exception.
    By not allowing one’s self-worth to be determined by another’s perceptions, by not feeling that being loved by another is conditional on living up to the expectations of others, or merely pleasing them, is absolutely critical to healthy functioning!
    Taking full accountability for the way you feel instead of others making that discerning determination allows you to be self dependent, kicks out the crutch, and makes you stand alone.
    As scary as that may seem to some, it is by far the best way to perceive your self-worth. Trusting that you can own your own emotions, whether they are anger, happiness, setting boundaries, or leaving, is how we can come to the serene life we always dreamed of as a child.
    These decisions and self-adjustments for the better can be made! It takes a personal acceptance and a subsequent love for yourself: then the fragile person previously tethering by a string, is now firmly tied unto itself, immersed in self confidence and independent, not codependent.

  • Your Self-worth Is Not Your Net-worth

    Your Self-worth Is Not Your Net-worth

    Lisa, a friend of mine who has known me for the last 16 years, came to visit over the recent Christmas Holiday and asked me a powerful question I really had to stop and think about. As we were up late one night talking, she asked me, “What is biggest lesson you have learned in this whole process of bringing forth your vision?” I sat there and thought about it for a moment because there have been so many powerful lessons and insights I have gained, but the one that stands out above the rest has been learning that my self-worth is not my net-worth.

    The challenges you will have along the way are in direct proportion to the blessings God has in store for you. As a single mother stepping out to work a business full-time, I have had serious financial challenges as a part of my journey. I have always known that God has a large financial bounty for me and this has kept me holding on during the lean times. If I believed that my net-worth was my self-worth, I would have stopped in my first year as so many start-up businesses do. Did you know that the test of lean financial times is a common thread the weaves through the tapestry of most of the greatest success stories?

    I have been studying prosperity and abundance for more than 11 years and early on in my readings, I remember reading a book about creating abundance and the author said, “You will know you are ready for wealth and abundance when your emotions are not attached to your money.” Wow! At the time that seemed like a misprint or an impossibility. At the time, I just couldn’t understand how someone could be in a place where their emotions are the same regardless of their checking account balance. The two were directly related in my mind.

    Now, I fully understand what the author was talking about. In order to be ready for the blessing of financial abundance, you must be in a place that you are the same no matter what your bank account balance says. Whether your balance is overdrawn by $25 or you have a balance of $25,000,000, God needs to know that you will be consistent and unchanged. Read this one again, because it is so important as you make the moves to live your vision. Can you be the same no matter how much money you have or do you get excited and happier the closer it gets to payday? Do you feel secure when you have money in your wallet and insecure when you don’t? Do you feel like more of a person with money than you do when you don’t have it?

    People usually treat people with money very differently than people without money, so it can be a challenge to truly live this understanding. You have really got to “get” this. Your self-worth is NOT your net worth. You are who you are no matter how much money you have, what kind of car you drive, or what restaurants you can afford to eat out at. Your level of self-esteem is not dependent on the amount of cash in your wallet or the balance in your checking or savings account.

    Learning how to be consistent and truly understand that I am an incredible person called to do great things in this world and walk in that at all times has been my greatest lesson. Yes, at the beginning a low balance in my bank account would incite panic and could even drive me to tears, but now it doesn’t move me one way or the other. I know what is coming, and I just have to have faith that God keeps his promises and will provide for me.

    Here’s the magic… Once you understand that your self-worth is not your net-worth and you detach your emotions from your money, you then move to the next level of understanding – your net-worth is a natural result of your self-worth. As your self-worth increases, you will be comfortable sharing your work out to more and more people and a natural result will be financial wealth. The great news is by the time you get to that point, you will be completely detached from the money and it will be free to do what God created it to do – multiply.

  • Learning To Love Ourselves

    Learning To Love Ourselves

    Our doubt concerning our self-worth is the main obstacle to our emotional and inter-relational harmony. This doubt is the cause of our greatest fears such as being rejected, laughed at, ignored, unloved, and most of all, of being alone.

    Loneliness and Doubt

    Loneliness is the disease of our age, and its cause is self-doubt. Fear of being alone is perhaps our most ancient one. It comes from the fact that in the past, he who was not accepted was ostracized from the group. In those days, that did not mean simply feeling lonely, but also being unable to survive.

    Another factor that makes us fear rejection or not being accepted by others is the fear of being punished by them or by God. We have been brought up to believe in a God, whose love is conditional, depending upon whether we are perfect in His/Her/Its eyes or not.

    Childhood Programming

    We receive messages from our parents and other important persons throughout our childhood years concerning whether and under what conditions we are good or worthy.

    As children, we learn from adults that we must measure our self-worth by:

    1. What others think of us.
    2. The results of our efforts in school, our profession and life.
    3. Our appearance
    4. How we compare to others.
    5. How much we know.
    6. How much money we have.
    7. And various other conditions

    Our doubt of our self-worth then becomes our greatest obstacle to inner peace, harmonious communication and loving relationships. These doubts are the foundation of most of our negative emotions and relationship conflicts.

    *** If we had more self-acceptance, we would have less need to prove ourselves to others. ***

    Then we would not feel offended so frequently and we could overlook others’ negativity and be at peace with them regardless of their behavior.

    Let us now look at how we can increase and stabilize our self-acceptance.

    The first step is to discover the situations in which we lose our sense of self-worth or self-acceptance.

    The reasons we most often loose our feelings of self-worth are examined in the following questionnaire.

    OBSTACLES TO LOVING OURSELVES

    In which situations do you lose your sense of self-love, self-worth, self- esteem or self-acceptance?

    1. When others ask for your help and you * do not say “yes” *, or do not respond.

    2. When you have * made a mistake * or have * failed * at some effort.

    3. When * others are more capable * than you are at certain tasks or concerning certain qualities (i.e. intelligence, artistic ability, speech, sports, cooking, professional success, their children’s success, economically, making friends, employing disciplines).

    4. When * others attract more attention, * esteem and respect in a group situation.

    5. When others * have offered more to you * than you have offered them.

    6. When you are * not perfect *.

    7. When * others criticize, are angry at or reject you *.

    8. When * others do not agree with you or believe that you are wrong *.

    9. When others * are able to manipulate you *.

    10. When * you have “created” pain * for others.

    11. When you are * not in harmony with your conscience *.

    The accompanying more detailed questionnaire will help us determine more clearly when we lose our feelings of self-worth. We suggest that as you read through it, you mark those items that might relate to you.

    I Tend to Lose My Feelings of Self-Worth:
    (Worth what; love, happiness, health, success, satisfaction?)

    1. When others criticize me, blame me, or do not approve of me.
    2. When others are angry with me.
    3. When my children, spouse or parents are not happy, healthy, successful, or satisfied.
    4. When I do not know as much as others around me.
    5. When I do not have an intimate relationship partner.
    6. When my house is not clean and in order.
    7. When my partner shows interest in others.
    8. If I am not successful professionally.
    9. If I do not have enough money.
    10. If I am not attractive to the opposite sex.
    11. If I do not make an impression on others.
    12. If I do not have many sexual successes.
    13. If others do not respect me.
    14. If my child is ill.
    15. If I do not have what others have.
    16. If I am not perfect.
    17. If I do not achieve many things.
    18. If others are able to cheat or mislead me.
    19. If I do not have
    20. If I do not do
    21. Other reasons

    SOCIAL PROGRAMMING OR CONSCIENCE

    Once we have established the particular situations or stimuli that obstruct our feelings of self-worth or self-acceptance, we will need to separate our answers into two groups.

    1. Those which have to do with * social programming * and not with our conscience. In such a case, we need to analyze each reason separately as we attempt to discover and change the beliefs that cause us to lose our self-acceptance in those situations.

    When we lose our feelings of self-worth because of social programming we are buying into societies illusions concerning who is worthy and who is not. We are measuring ourselves by superficial standards set by society such as money, appearance profession etc, and not by our conscience, such as honesty, love, sincerity, selflessness etc.

    2. Situations in which we reject ourselves because our * actions are not in alignment with our inner conscience *. We behave toward others, as we would not like them to behave toward us. Our answers to 10 and 11 in the first questionnaire might indicate such situations.

    In such cases, we are interested in how we could react differently in those situations so that our behavior is in tune with our conscience.

    In these second cases which have to do with conscience, we will most often find that we behave in such ways because we are being controlled by the previous categories if social beliefs.

    For example we tell lies (matter of conscience) because we believe that our self-worth depends on what others think about us and thus want to hide the truth from them

    The final solution for the matter of self-worth is to realize that all beings deserve love and respect exactly as they are regardless of all their flaws simply because they are unique aspects of divine creation- just as all flowers and all of nature.

    In such a case, we must not confuse one’s ability and/or morality with worthiness of love and respect. As aspects of divine creation all deserve love and respect regardless of ability or morality.

    The difference is that those who have ability deserve positions of greater responsibility that those without. While those without morality do deserve our love and respect they may not deserve trust or freedom to move about in society, until they are healed of their problem.

  • Build Your Self Esteem

    Build Your Self Esteem

    Some people seem to have been born with a great deal of self-confidence. This is not really the case, although healthy self-esteem does stem from childhood. Young children who are influenced by caring parents and other adults who take the time to instill a sense of self-worth will grow into confident adults.

    Children who do not grow up in a positive atmosphere will likely suffer the pain of low self-esteem in adulthood. They will feel bad about themselves and lack the confidence needed to realize their goals and dreams. The worst part of all is that low self-esteem is totally false. Every person is someone special, with unique talents and gifts that no one else can offer.

    Convincing a person of low self-esteem that they are special is not easy, but it is essential in rebuilding his or her sense of self-worth. How we view ourselves, and our accomplishments, will ultimately determine how we act and react in everyday situations. If we expect people to think of us in a negative way, it’s almost certain that they will. On the other hand, if we think people should value us, they most likely will. Treating ourselves with respect will encourage others to hold us in high esteem.

    Building self-esteem is not always easy to do, but there are tools and programs available to help. Some people choose to acquire and use self-help books, videos, tapes, and CDs. Others seek professional counseling. Improving self-esteem starts with changing the way you think about yourself. By reducing negative thoughts and increasing positive ones, you will naturally build your confidence and your sense of self-worth.

    It can take time and hard work to let go of negative childhood influences and rebuild self-esteem. With help and patience, anyone can improve their self-worth. The effort will be rewarded with a greater sense of value and the confidence to meet goals and strive for bigger and better things.

  • Self Esteem and Transformation

    Self Esteem and Transformation

    We can use various practices to improve our self-worth. It is important to build our self-esteem in order to withstand the nonsense that goes on in our life each day. When one has low self-worth, he or she places little value on the self, which can lead to laziness and depression. The conditions will cause many other problems to develop, including illness and disease.

    Self-worth is the value that we place on the self. We can use several methods that will assist us with making personal transformations while building self-esteem. To build self-worth one has to cultivate a positive mind while making a few adjustments in his or her life and person.

    Keep in mind, having balanced self-esteem is never easy since people of all lifestyles will try hard at tearing down what you have built up. You want to cultivate and build staying power and positive energy since you will need it to stand firm once you have cultivated and built your self-esteem.

    How do I build my self-esteem?
    All of us are different, so it depends on what you feel is more assuring for you. For instance, some people build self-esteem by relying on people’s compliments, while others do not need others to make them feel good about who they are. For the most part, one will need to use positive influences both externally and internally to cultivate and build self-worth. This means you will have to make some personal transformations in order to build your self-esteem.

    One of the most powerful ways to build self-worth is through physical exercise. Many case studies have proven that those who exercise reap many rewards, including confidence, self-esteem, self-control, self-reliance, positive thinking, nice bodies, healthy minds, healthy bodies, and so on.

    Writing is another way to build self-worth. You can make positive transformations through writing since it allows you to express your feelings and thoughts privately. Instead of fearing that you will say something to hurt someone else, or say something stupid, you can write down your thoughts and feelings without others hearing them. Once you have written them down, you can assess your feelings and thoughts in order to build your vocabulary, reading skills, writing skills, and observation. You also build self-esteem, because your personal transformations are positive.

    Meditation is another option that will help you build self-worth. You can make positive changes by meditating each day. Meditation allows you to probe into the mind and relax. Relaxation is helpful since you will feel refreshed. Probing into the mind will help you with finding answers to your problems in which you can use the information discovered to solve problems effectively.

    Yoga too is helpful. If you buy the instruction manual, which walks you through yoga step by step you will improve your overall life and health. Yoga teaches you self-discipline, which is a link to self-worth and personal transformation. This is because self-discipline connects one with self-control, willpower, and self-will. With willpower, you will have a higher plane of the strength of mind and will.

    There is no better feeling in the world. When you are empowered, it makes you feel like an eagle soaring into the wild blue. You feel strengths that make you feel sometimes that you are on top of the world. The empowerment from positive change also makes one feel as though they can do anything they put their mind to. And they can.

    The empowering feelings that come with positive change and self-worth alone, should initiate you to take action today. Instead of living your life on threads, pick up your torture stake and head in a positive direction.

  • Balancing Self Confidence and Self Worth

    Balancing Self Confidence and Self Worth

    Self Confidence and Self Worth obviously have a lot to do with how well we do in life. However, what confuses the picture is that the two terms are often used as if they have the same meaning. They are really very different things.

    Self Confidence is about how we relate to the world. Self Worth is about how we relate to ourselves. Naturally, these two things are interlinked and one affects the other. But, they bring very different gifts and very different skills.

    Self Confidence gives us the ability to make things happen in the world. It helps us set goals and achieve results. When our Self Confidence is high we attract people through our ability to get things done and ‘be out there’. This makes us good talkers.

    Self Worth helps us value other people for who they are (rather than what they do). It helps us build friendships and relationships based on mutual caring. When our Self Worth is high we attract people through our ability to just ‘be there’ for them and to be with them. This makes us good listeners.

    If Self Confidence is high and Self Worth is very low then we get out of balance. It can make us tend to put on a show and feel hollow inside. If this goes too far we can end up unable to enjoy our successes. While others are giving us a congratulatory pat on the back we feel like kicking ourselves as being undeserving. When our Self Worth is low we may tell ourselves “If only they knew what I am really like”.

    If Self Confidence is very low and Self Worth is high then we get out of balance that way too. It can make us tend to hide out with our friends, family, or people we feel ‘comfortable’ (or an acceptable discomfort) around. We may walk in someone’s shadow, hide behind a powerful boss, or someone who ‘protects’ us from the world (even if they are nasty otherwise). We may have things we really want to do with our lives (intensely so), but make excuses as to why it is OK to do nothing about it.
    When it comes to finding a partner or finding a job, a lack of Self Confidence or Self Worth will obviously get in the way. Self Confidence helps us establish an initial connection; Self Worth helps us relate in ways that create a healthy relationship. Self Confidence helps us meet people; Self Worth helps us make friends with them.

    Without Self Confidence we have trouble creating success because we don’t even try; without Self Worth, we have trouble creating success because we never actually feel ‘successful’ no matter what we achieve (or we may sabotage our efforts out of a feeling of being undeserving).

    Our Self Worth and Self Confidence can be affected by what other people say and do. However, they are also both affected by what we say and do. They are very much affected by what we decide about ourselves and our own values and what we tell people about ourselves. Ultimately it is our decision whether we feel good and happy, or not. Whatever we cultivate and whatever we tolerate is what grows.

    People with strong Self Confidence are, of course, naturally comfortable functioning in situations where confidence is what is required; but they can feel very challenged by situations where Self Worth is what is needed. People with a strong sense of Self Worth are naturally comfortable in situations where Self Worth is what is required but likewise can feel very challenged when confidence is needed.

    We often unconsciously try and find a balance by attracting people of our opposite type either at work or in relationships. This allows us to function as it gives the benefits of the other persons’ strengths. Yet that is really an unhappy alliance, in the long term, it is really a matter of finding the balance in ourselves.

    Self Confidence can be boosted by positive affirmations like: “I am successful”, “I now create great relationships”, etc..
    Self Worth can be boosted by positive affirmations like: “I deserve success”, “I am worthy of a great relationship”, etc..
    People often feel awkward working on the type of issues which most affects them. If either of the above types of affirmation is a turn-off for you the chances are that is the very type of issue you need to work with. Any such discomfort soon passes and, if you give yourself a chance, you can become a healthier person by working directly on whatever of these issues specifically affects you.

    Now that maybe you have a better idea of which aspect of yourself you most want to work on, I suggest checking out the Self Help section of your local bookshop and seeing what books ‘call’ to you. You will just know what is right for you, or you can have fun checking out some new ideas to see what fits.

    Being out of balance between Self Confidence and Self Worth is a bit like having one leg much shorter than the other. If we are not careful it makes us go around in circles! If your life feels a bit circular at times then that is a very good sign you need to grow the other side of your nature.

    It may be that by making a very minor change in attitude, and finding a better balance between Self Confidence and Self Worth, you can become much more effective in your life. It will make it much easier to walk in a straight line.